Heaven is full of Boguns...

Hallelujah to the God of all things V8. It is the Hamilton 400 and I have been converted.

We own a V8 and because it is our family car I drive it everyday but until now I have never really got the whole complete love of it. Sure it is a lot of fun out on the open road and I think she is a pretty car (she is in desperate need of a paint job though) but the fuel bill is atrocious, maintenance is expensive and well, I really am mystified that the Engineer is yet to earn a speeding ticket in it. Driving a V8 has not been enough to make a petrol head out of me.

It wasn’t until I spent all day at the race track here in Hamilton that I finally understood this madness that takes over. To many Heaven is a place on earth and for the car nut, this weekend Heaven has come to Hamilton in the form of the V8 Supercars. And finally I see why so many men have a devotion to cars that seems to almost surpass their marriage vows, and why so many women have joined in. The sound of a roaring engine is as beautiful as any whispered phrase of love. The acrid smell of burning rubber combined with man-sweat is more exhilarating than any French perfume. And the sights of Hamilton in party mode is absolutely unbelievable. And finally I get it!

The corner of Queens Ave and Lake Road in Frankton has been transformed into a haven for bogans. Mullets had been carefully pruned for the occasion and many are dressed in their full motor-head regalia; leather vests, black jeans and well worn Metallica t-shirts. It was simply glorious! Beer flowed freely and the smell of the stew slowly cooking on an outside gas-cooker was enough to make even the most conservative of pedestrians yearn to be invited in.

It was only 3pm when we passed by on our way home from the track and the conversations still seemed reasonably tame but I knew that during this weekend the old debate would always be near; Holden vs. Ford. Because that is what the V8 Supercars is all about isn’t it? Holden fans vs Ford fans It’s what buys tickets, merchandise, and the loyalty of a lifetime.

I myself am neither, my father always had Fords when I was young but when the Engnineer and I were looking for a new car the purple Holden Senator stole his heart in the simple revving of an engine. So now I am left to ferry the young fella around in a gas-guzzling, money-eating V8. But today I got it! I saw the rivalry at its peak and could not help but be impressed that each maker’s fans were willing to wear their colours with such loud, vocal and uncompromising pride. And it is this that I think is missing from Rugby.

Sure Rugby has its screaming fans, usually dressed in the latest jerseys, hats, jackets but we seemed to have lost that unconditional pride that a motorsport fan will always have. I heard one of the Holden 400 commentators say today that “motor-racing is sport, everything else is just a game”. And I thought that Rugby fans could learn a lot from that. Motor-sport and V8 racing is a way of life, and these days all rugby seems to be about is the value of the dollar.

Game of the week: Chiefs vs Crusader, here in Hamilton to add to a HUUUUGGEE weekend. The game kicks off in about half and an hour and it will be big ask but it will be fantastic if on the weekend of the Hamilton 400 the Chiefs could pull out an upset. Dan Carter is injured and not playing so now is the time. C'mon on the Chiefs!!! Enough said.

Rule of law: Scoring points. Simple yet crucial, and hopefully the Chiefs will be able to do alot of it.

Try: This happens when a player grounds the ball (applies pressure on the ball) in the opponents in-goal area. This is worth 5 points.
Penalty Try: A Penalty Try is given when an opponent would've scored a try but the opponent commits foul play. This too is worth 5 points.
Conversion Goal: A conversion is kicked when a players team scores a try and has the opportunity to gather 2 extra points.
Penalty: A penalty, worth 3 points, is scored when a player kicks a goal from a penalty kick. A penalty is awarded when an opponent commits a foul.
Dropped Goal: Finally, a drop goal, also worth 3 points, is scored when a player kicks a goal from a drop kick in general play.

An insult to mother rugby

I am a child of the ‘80s and I grew up in a time when life seemed a lot more simple. We didn’t need the latest computer game to feel complete and a millionaire was about as rich as you could get, but now - now NZ has become a land for the money-grubbing and the self-obsessed.

Since when were we so obsessed with money? The average three bedroom house is no longer enough, oh no now we aspire to own huge mansion-like homes decked out in the latest of luxuries that we think are necessities - shiny kitchens, 50 inch plasma screen televisions, refrigerators with ice-dispensers and rumpus rooms.

Life has become more about the material things. And now our rugby players who are still in their 20’s, young men at the peak of their rugby careers, are turning their back on the black jersey and swanning off to Europe to crème the top of a huge pile of money that floods into the game with a scary amount of ease. Since when was a hundred odd thousand per year not enough, I mean for god's sake it used to be that people played rugby for the love of the game not to own a bloody Aston Martin.

I understand that players must set themselves up for life after rugby but to have that level of audacity that allows you to spit on Mother-rugby while you still nuzzle at her breast - well I am simply disgusted. How dare you! She has cradled you, nurtured you, made Gods of you - and you tell her it is not enough. Get over yourselves - our great All blacks came from a time when they played a test match on the Saturday and then they were back on the farm come Monday morning ready for milking.

I am not talking about the players who are unlikely to make the All blacks, or the All Blacks who realise that they are now in their 30s and only have a brief time before their bodies will no longer allow them to play. I am talking about the players who are at their peak and realise that they can go overseas for a brief time earn some serious cash and then think they can just waltz on back to be part of the world cup team. Once again, get over yourselves, you are not that important in the big scheme of things that you cannot be replaced.

But you go, you turn your back on the chance to wear the All black jersey, because do not think that the young wont move to supplant you while you are away. There are hundreds of young talented players just waiting for a chance and if your are conceited enough to allow them to show what they have - then more fool you. And even if you come back just before the next world cup there is no saying that your position will still be open, in fact I count on it not to be. The youth will most likely be faster, fitter, stronger and more hungry to prove themselves. But you leave, put money ahead of the jersey. But just remember even if you return and make it back in the squad do not expect me or any of the other die hard fans to welcome you back with open arms. I am fanatic supporter when it comes to the All Blacks and I will not have the black jersey belittled in such a lame way.

And to those of you calling for the option to allow NZ players who are stationed overseas to be considered for All Blacks, shame on you. Yes we lose players, good players even but it is a price I am willing to pay to keep the value in the jersey and in our unions. How long do you think it will be before our rugby fraternity crumbles if we allow our All blacks to play overseas. There will be nothing to hold our young talent here, no-one to hold up our club teams, our provincial teams, our super 14 teams. It will be the death nail to grass-roots and then eventually to the rest of our rugby.

Game of the week: I know it's already Friday night and the Highlanders have just gone down to the sharks (only just mind you, 19-17) but the game to watch for Kiwis would probably have to be the Blues vs Brumbies tomorrow night at Eden park. It wont be the same spectacle as it has been in past years as the Brumbies are no where near the force they once were but it will still be interesting to see if the Blues can get their campaign back on track against their old foe. Watch for the match up between Stirling Mortlock and Isaia Toeava, the master vs little grasshopper. It should be interesting to see if Toeava has learnt anything since he last tussled with the Aussie superstar. Also watch the front row as Tony Woodcock has copped a lot of flack from his Aussie counterparts, look for him to prove that he is more that a 'myth' against Guy Shepherdson.
The other game to have a look at is between the two Aussie performers, the Force vs the Waratahs in Perth tomorrow night. There will be more than just Super 14 points up for grabs, and bragging rights are an important incentive.

Rule of law: You are only as old as you feel, however there is nothing like the young to make you feel old. No seriously the rule of law this week is a simple one: you cannot pass the ball forward ie a forward pass is when the ball is thrown in the direction of the opposition's try line. Also a deliberate forward pass is cause for a penalty as opposed to a free kick. So the moral of the story is dont try and hurry things a long by taking short cuts as more often than not there will be repercussions to face.

K.I.S.S, heres to the referees

Just like probably every person that played rugby in the 90s ive been told keep it simple stupid! After reading my blog last night the man, otherwise known as the Engnieer, used the old acronym - Keep It Simple Stupid to tell me that my posts were too long and too indepth for women and probably only men who played rugby would understand it and they'd probably disagree with me anyway... Well cheers, nothing like a bit of of constructive criticism to keep the passion in a relationship. And well maybe I should start learning abit about power tools, voltage and all that other stuff that seems to get his engine going, and then I can start sharing my thoughts on how he could do a better job. Nah - he was right after all, I do ramble in these posts and perhaps I do need to scale things back - I just hate admitting he's right.

Anyway I digress this blog is meant to be about rugby isnt it? But perhaps I should take this chance to share my opinions on why I think so many men love the game. Rugby is just like chess, its about strategy and tactics but at the end of the day all its really about is domination and control. And after six years of living with the Engineer, I can tell you there is nothing that a man likes more than to dominate the situation. I am not talking about physical domination, just that 'man of the house' type mentality, you know that 'Ive been at work all day, I want my hot meat and three veg meal on the table when i get home' attitude. Never mind that his woman has been running around like a mad thing all day, the house is a tip because the kid is home and he's demanding mum's attention, it's all about him. And Rugby, unfortunately, is little like that. It is aggresive and demanding, and the 30 men out there romping around the field are trying to gain control. And just like many men I know, and particularlly my own, when things arnt going their way they blame it on the one person that really does have the control, and in real life that is usually you. Out on the rugby field that person it is the referee. I mean think about it - it was referee's fault why we lost that quarter final in France last year and it is always the referee's fault if he doesnt happen to see that guy that's offside or the man at the bottom of the ruck trying gouge out his opponent's eyes. I mean never mind that the referee is only human, men still expect him to be everywhere and see everything - just like they expect us to know where they left their keys last night and that they are grumpy because they had a bad day at work and they're not really yelling at you, they're just letting off steam. Men, they expect omnipotent qualities in the referees and their woman and yet most of them think that they're God anyway.

So heres to the referees because even though most of them are men, for 80 minutes they might just knows how it feels to be a woman. You are always trying to catch up with the play because you've got 50 million things to do and watch, and no bugger thinks about giving you a hand but they sure as hell will let you know when you've got it wrong.

Week eight's Game of the week is recommended by the highly entertaining Mike Fletcher of the JTO and he reckons to watch the Sharks. So the 'Canes Vs Sharks at the cake tin on Saturday night it is. Watch out for the Hurricane's loose trio again, aggressive and confrontational they should have a go at the big South Africans and I fully expect a few fire works. Otherwise the speedsters out the back for both teams should look good if they get that elusive open space. Oh and also keep an eye on Francois Steyn, as he is going to give the All blacks a few headaches come Test time.

And as for the rule of the week, well just remember you're not really allowed to gouge out other people's eyes - even at the bottom of the ruck.

Happy Rugby watching 8-)

All Blacks Best Rugby Tries Ever

"The most brilliant quartet of tries you will ever wish to see"-Keith Quinn, Semi Final World cup 95 about Jonah Lomus for tries against England.